#picturing things was part of my process
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I think I think of coding in the same way that y'all think of freehand crocheting, in that I think it's a kind of magic and I often have ideas that I'm pretty sure are possible to carry out if I only knew how to code. And I could read a lot about it, I could study various programming languages, but I still feel like in my head there's something not clicking that stops me from actually going from idea > program, and for someone who computers does come naturally to or is very skilled with, they're just like "??? you just gotta go from idea > program" and that can be a little frustrating
#text#i don't know how to explain why i know what i do works for crocheting#it really is like.. picture > crochet#i see the picture i make the picture#i think i could give better examples of how the process works but theres still some intuition and skill involved on the listeners part#that i wouldnt be able to just. transfer over#and i am pretty good at explaining things in many different ways and i wish i could just teach how to freehand crochet#were i a real wizard i would have apprentices and we would make a bunch of yarn critters#in my lifetime i hope i do find some kind of program that can help visualize it that'd be neat#oh but back to the computer thing i had another idea that i can word in words but not in computer speak and i dont want to go down another#series of google searches and get distracted frustrated by Things
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not to beat a dead horse but something I feel like gets ignored a lot in “Why doesn’t Batman kill the Joker?” arguments is the fact that Batman and Joker don’t live in the real world, they live in the DC Universe, where multiple afterlives canonically exist and coming back from the dead is extremely common. Killing Joker isn’t permanently stopping him from hurting anyone else, it’s sending him off to guest star in Hellblazer or team up with Etrigan unsupervised or make a deal with Necron and now he’s alive again but he has superpowers, or he’s the new ruler of Hell, or he’s a malevolent ghost and now he’s Deadman’s problem. At least if Batman sends him to Arkham he’ll get an alert when the guy breaks out and he can make reasonable assumptions about things like “how far could he have gotten?” or “What resources does he have?” Batman sends the guy to Hell and he could be doing literally anything, no timeline on when he’ll turn up again, no way to keep tabs on him short of calling in favors from the magic crowd. If Joker escapes and comes back he stays a basically human guy with a knack for chemistry and an immunity to his own concoctions. If he dies and comes back his abilities could be anything from “ghost that appears in the corner of Bruce’s vision to gradually drive him mad” to “literally exactly the same” to “The new Spectre, for some reason”. There is no way to know. The only certainty is that at some point he will come back and hurt more people, and there’s no way Batman doesn’t know that. It’s not mercy or naivety to keep the extremely dangerous mass murderer somewhere you can keep an eye on him instead of booting him into the unknown and hoping for the best. This is something that needs to be taken into account.
#comics are wild man#like weve all seen the lego batman movie right?#batman sends the clown into the phantom zone and within the week gotham is overrun with flying monkeys and daleks#picture that but the place he broke out of is hell#gotham has enough problems it doesn't need emperor joker 2: this time theres hellfire#some potential storylines after joker dies just off the top of my head:#he takes over hell#he manages to kidnap the spirits of whatever heroes close to bruce are currently dead and maybe his parents and tortures them#he comes back as a ghost and makes bruce (or dick or jason or whoever) think theyre going insane#he comes back as a ghost and starts draining someones life force to resurrect himself#harley or duela or punchline resurrects him because bla bla obsession#lex luthor resurrects him as part of some master plan against the justice league#parallax or somebody possesses his body resurrecting him in the process and then he takes the body back#he becomes the new swamp thing#he becomes the new specter#brainiac turns him into a zombie cyborg because idk reasons#he somehow gets himself reincarnated and then regains his past life memories as an adult and becomes terrys problem#another blackest night/brightest day thing happens and he becomes a zombie/gets better#ivy brings him back as a plant creature so she can kill him again but then he escapes#he tricks some random magician into summoning/resurrecting him by impersonating a different spirit#these are all totally feasibly storylines and thats just off the top of my head#wanting joker unable to hurt anyone and wanting joker dead are not the same thing#batman
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#HAVING SO MUCH FUCKING FUN DOODLING THINGS RECENTLY#i really am genuinely so attached to the crayon artstyle because i can draw it DIRECTLY on my phone nd i dont need to do the whole process#of drawing traditionally. taking a picture. tracing the picture. finishing it#its exhaustive and not fun but this way i can GO STRAIGHT TO THE FUN PART and its much quicker#it doesnt look that polished BUT I LIKE IT‼️‼️‼️
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OK my mind is just filled with thoughts of this thing I've been working on. I can't wait to read it in one go and absolutely destroy myself
#speculation nation#discacc shit#im doing this in the morning. since it will double as my editing sweep and the inspiration for the 2nd part#*part#which i have definitely decided to do. i need the emotional conclusion to it.#wont take nearly so long to do at least. but i need to take in the full picture b4 i can really get the mood right#get every single gut punch in a row. and only then can i write the absolute heartbreak of it all#Processing. it's important.#uwaaaaghh (the sound of me thinking about the characters reflecting on eeverything that happens in this thing. uwaaaaagh)#lmfao tho i was thinking about the trigger tags this bitch is gonna need. oh BOY theres a lot. it's kinda fucked up lmfao#sorry goro.
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#.................................................................................................................................#so another update on my skin i guess . . .#about a week in and its basically everywhere on my chest and terribly on my back and legs and butt : - ( worst its gotten so far is itchy as#all hell on my side but thankfully so far thats really it....... ive maybe been tired n had a sore ish throat like when i first felt it but#not really anymore.... now its just my skin looking. awful lol everywhere#but....... i found out about this skin thing that looks Exactly The Same As Mine Looks Right Now and that ! was a major relief considering !#its not a serious skin thing and my symptoms almost entirely align with the process so far ! ! !#as much as i am still skeptical im just. i dont know that helped a lot i guess. everything else id found n been thinking it could be were#oretty serious things for the most part which honestly raqcking my brain about that for the past week uh#probably wasnt the best mental health decision to make OTL...............#still gonna go up the mountain for some cheap blood work tommorow..... then back to urgent care on wed/thurs to really make sure its nothing#serious which will also immediately improve my headspace regardless so. thats good too#and the help from my best friend . . . . . . . . . i am so so lucky to have him he is literally so special. i was right at the bottom and he#didnt even hesistate . crazy how that can feel so nice and hurt so much at the same time#hurt really from just honestly how immensely empty i was and how much i really needed that support#still though absolutely heated from. the initial situation and how my main support just kinda fucked off in response lmao! but#all that greif and sadness and ugly crying aside today has been a mostly good day in comparison. let alone finding out something it could#absolutely very well be and its Not Super Serious Necessarily and Pretty Common all things considered#is a big plus. . . . a lot to think about and a lot to do as always just really really gotta keep my head on my shoulders . . . . . . . . .#okay and honestly all that aside ladies it looks. so crazy. i really actually maybe am gonna take pictures of this to really document it nd#even if its a serious thing its like. so crazy looking#feels pretty ridiculous dont get me wrong it literally feels like my skin is fucked up where its raised n swollen but the pattern is#idk medically fascinating to me i guess is the best way to say it lol#how would that be for my first selfie in like 4 years teehee 😌 anyways enough of my ranting but in case anyones interested here ya go . . .
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the periodic table of EXOments (3/9): kai as MERCURY
The quick, graceful flow of elemental mercury, the only common metal to remain liquid at room temperature, has fascinated theorists and thinkers for generations. Writings from Aristotle in the fourth century B.C. revealed that the philosopher would refer to mercury as “hydro-argyros”, or water-silver. The medieval pseudoscience of alchemy regarded this enigmatic metal as the most important of all substances, believing it offered the path by which base metals could be transformed into gold.
#exo#exo moodboards#kai#kai moodboards#exo kai#jongin#kim jongin#jongin moodboards#mine#exoments#I wasn't really feeling this when I was making it but actually the final product looks pretty nice to me :)#it was so hard to find pictures of mercury that weren't just grey blobs lol#can you tell I'm doing the easiest members first asldkfjaskdf#starting a project WHILE i have several other more pressing things ramping up in my life is such a classic rose move lmao#I still got six of these huh...damb#I will make it through! I'm determined!#I really have to start using my imagination now#I have ideas for the other members but I think trying to visualize them is the hardest part#anyways! I'm enjoying the process of experimenting with different schemes and colors#and learning about the elements of ofc super fascinating to me#I hope it's interesting to you guys too! <3
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NotEnrique be trolling this loving couple. XD
Click on ‘Keep Reading’ if you want to see the origin of this idea and two rough drafts of the first two scenes.
I crossed out my username and icon to keep my Discord identity anonymous in public on here. I also changed the night time sky to a later evening kind of sky where the sun is almost down.
#I could imagine that NotEnrique would annoy these two for fun during their romantic moments at times#I just HAD to draw this. XD#This is my first Tales of Arcadia related drawing I did and my first time drawing these characters#I tried my best drawing this. It took me so many months but I'm proud of how it came out!#tales of arcadia#trollhunters#stricklake#walter strickler#stricklander#strickler#barbara lake#notenrique#Fanart that I made#If the picture appears a bit fuzzy; tap it and it will look sharper.#My camera gets weird with taking pictures of drawings at times. ^^´´#Please don't repost my short comic on other sites without my permission first.#Someone else had unintentionally beaten me to the idea of having the pair in the tree while I was still in the line art process#Therefore I had to change some things so the tree part in the first scene on left side wouldn't look similar to theirs in a different piece
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genuinely shocked this week
#i never realised until this year that i had little dimples at the corners of my mouth#(developed dimples? i don't know. i haven't been keeping track of the good ways my face has changed over the years#if anything i've only been paying attention to the parts i don't like)#dimples! :0#which sounds like SUCH a silly thing not to notice (i mean. it IS my face)#but lockdown has been so bizarre#and general self esteem has not been great this year#and i've been seeing everything else in excruciating detail (and by everything else i mean: things i don't like)#with such scrutiny that i didn't really SEE myself if you know what i mean#so noticing something that i DO like about my appearance came as a surprise#anyways this isn't going anywhere but. sometimes looking at the bigger picture shows you details you didn't recognise sooner#it's such a small thing. but i'm glad for it#and it is a frustrating process but!! progress!!#songbird again
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funny how I've never written a single paper in my life that didnt feel like pulling teeth and require me to complain about it extensively to all my friends and family and social media and then have an anxiety attack that finally gets me to start writing and by funny I mean really horribly pathetic ❤
#ppl write papers every day ive written like. hundreds? probably? why am i still like this#like i know its the adhd but also i know tons of ppl w adhd who get things done WITHOUT having a complete breakdown every time#AND i have meds!! and even with them im like this!#i feel like this whole anxiety attack/complaining thing has just become a part of the process for me#and i lean on it as like a crutch#or its just the only way i can justify procrastinating at a certain point#either way its. not good. and paints a pretty shitty picture of my self-discipline!#i dont know how my friends and family stand me i really dont. i do this EVERY time#(guess ive reached the self-loathing part of my paper writing process which hopefully means the writing part is soon!)#🤞🤞
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God fucking christ. I am trying so badly to seek some pictures that would depict the yearning i feel but it keeps talking about basic shits like cuddling and fucking hand holding... Like come oonnnnnn
I mean, cuddles are great and all, but what i say by yearning is literally craving the skin and warmth of someone else. Craving contact, intimacy... It's not simply kissing, it's devouring each other's body and soul. Yes, it's about sex, but it's not just sex. It's the passion, the fiery energy, the burning desire in the chest and lower belly. The want, the attraction, the sheer heat of this moment where you explore someone until your appetite is satiated. But you are never satiated enough. Until you implode and explode... And then want even more. This, this is the yearning i seek in those fucking pictures and words, the yearning i feel.
Not fucking uwu shy, cheesy, blushing "we- we kissed 😳" thingy bs. COME ON. Desire more! Yearn for more! Get ignited! Burn bright! Merge! Fucking devour each other out! Taste it!!!!! AaAAAAHHHH FUCK.
#I just want to fucking find relatable pictures of this feeling but nope#Just cutesy poems that may be cute but fuck man. Thats not exactly what I hear by actual yearning#You can yearn romance i guess but. Are people that desperate that simple hand holding feels like a relentless desire?#It feels so simple. I never craved that much simple things#Either it just feels platonic or I want more. Not necessarily sex. Even within sex there is something more and that's the thing I am talkin#And it's not 'Love uwuwu' it's passion. Quite literally. The burning exquisite passion. Such an irresistible feeling#This is what I year for rn#And God am I restraining myself to reach *you* out because I don't want to fuck up#To fuck up anyone's healing process. But I don't think i will last so long like this...#This is devouring me inside... and it is part of my own healing process that to listen this part of myself...#I need her... and she needs more.#Personal
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Way back when I was young and Pokemon was still just as strong, my family always berated for knowing the names of 150 Pokemon more than important text. I’ve always wondered why too, but I came to a conclusion this morning.
I think it’s mainly because Pokemon media is part text but mainly a visual medium. Through sprites, official art especially by Ken Sugimori, I’ve been able to remember so much more about Pokemon than something that is just text because my mind can have a reference when I think of them.
Like offhand immediately when I can name, Mew, Budew, Trapinch, Totodile,Serperior, I can also see the designs that go with those particular creatures. (Along with their system of Pokemon typings which have their own aesthetic for each that follow certain lines *more or less*)
So it may just be my personal way of learning, I’m a visual learner first, textual learner second.
#so throw some pictures in there for me to learn#just kidding / but it does explain why my relearning of the Quran in a better sense is....a slow process#i don't want to memorize it because thats how i know for certain that it will become part of the film in my mind#and by film i just mean viscous foggy thing in my brain/ i won't really learn and understand it/ which defeats the purpose#i really have to chew things that are particularly important very slowly#personal post
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#just woke up and found out one of my childhood best friends committed suicide#and i dont know how to process it#i cried to my mom and ive gone through the backlog of memories and i just#feel numb#you dont think about these things as kids like not once in fourth grade did i worry about her passing away#or thought that could ever happen#and it did and i dont know what to do because we hadnt spoken in years but she was such a big part of my childhood#losing her made me realize how fast we’re growing up#and how our childhood is really in the past now#i had this picture of us up on my wall for years and its just#so hard to imagine shes gone#i dont want anyone to pity me i’m seriously just in so much disbelief#i cant even process it and i dont know if i ever will#rip serenity you were an amazing friend and a wonderful person#i love you forever#personal#tw // suicide#tw suicide#tw death#tw // death#(let me know if i need to tag anymore warnings i rly dont wanna trigger ppl w this)
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me: alright!!! I’m going to use social media like a Normal Person and just talk about my interests and say random things and give updates daily!! > : )
my foolish hermit jester of a self scrambling down from my wizard tower of isolation 8 days later to observe my social media accounts, which all, yet again, STILL have not been touched in weeks or sometimes months:
#this is probably not relatable to anyone other than me but like.. GOURD i have trouble keeping up with social media stuff ghhhgb#also I know it's okay to just not do things and I shouldn't feel pressure to keep up with stuff.. but like...#if I want to do art or writing or anything like that like.. I HAVE to have some form of social media presence#basically anyone who does anything in the modern day has one and I know it's Good Strategy to update often w regular consistent posts.. AND#like i think personal posts are cool and i always appreciate people more when they post pictures of what theyre doing or#give little tidbits about their lives or etc. i think it's interesting and I envy the ability to do that but#my brain just does NOT work that way lol...#I check facebook daily just in case actual people i know in real life have messages me but I barely actually post there#I regaularly go 6+ months without posting anything on twitter. 3-5 months without updating instagram. sometimes 4-8 days without posting on#here.. even though I try to keep this updated#idk online stuff is just hard for me.. not in an old person type of way but just... something about looking at a screen and all that#maybe because that's part of what I'm already doing??#like if I just spent 4 hours staring at a screen typing stuff for a game or etc.. do I really want to go like.. type MORE stuff?? for 'fun'?#lol... and because I'm such a thorough detail person I can never just like.. casually shoot off a post into the void without a second#thought like.. I have to proofread it 4 times.. save it as a draft.. come back a few hours later and proofread it again.. etc.#Nothing in life is effortless for me in any way shape or form... everything is a process because of the way my brain works I guess#so even something simple like 'oh hee hee post a one sentence update!!' takes me like an hour and a half to do#and in that case it just ends up being difficult lol... this is also why I don't text people and have very little experience 'chatting#online'' or being in chat rooms or whatever pepople so since.. everything is just A Full Task For Me.. typing a paragraph to someone#can take me 2 hours depending on the day.. and I may already have barely any energy.. I'm just not an effortless easy simple type of person#EVERYTHING is complicated and longwinded and bogged down with 50x more effort and analysis and thinking and proofreading#than is even necessary so.. gghgh...#i know it would be better for me in terms of being an artist or doing things in general or whatever if i could just like#slap out some text or a few selifes or drawings or something and press 'post' without a moment's thought but...#even like.. 'simple and fun social media~!!' is complicated for me lol#I don't think I'm like.. THAT good at things and I'm pretty self critical and don't want to sound arrogant or etc. but like.. the gods#absolutely had to curse me to prevent me from becoming too powerful.. I could definitely be a prominent musician or writer or something#at this point in my life by now if the functioning issues I have had for my entire life/childhood hadn't gotten 5x worse#in adolescence ghghg.. like.. hmm'st.. it's really Like That i guess huh
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#so i made some banana bread and/did some adulting shit n calmed down hi how're yall doin#sjgmsd sorry about the That buT WE?? PICKED OUT OUR CAT?? or mom did anyway- my aunts part of this rescue organization nshit#and someone in that group found this cat thats apparently really skinny but affectionate and shes a grey tortie??#her names gemi and im really excited to meet her? that and we're going over to said aunts house this weekend to meet her crew#she isnt fostering gemi but shes tryna set up the meet n greet nstuff and im feeling really good about it#iM HESITATING ON POSTIN PICTURES CUZ I DONT WANNA MAKE IT SEEM FINAL?? IF THAT MAKES SENSE??#LIKE MOM SAID SHES GOTTA FILL OUT THE PAPERWORK NSTUFFS BUT IM STILL NOT SURE IF WE'RE ACTUALLY GONNA GET HER??#cuz moms really back n forth some days on stuff like this if that makes sense??? like shes one way one day and another/the opposite the next#that and im not sure how the adoption process for this group really works?? its been forever since we adopted anyone#cuz gingers like......ufkcigmn........12-14??? i wanna say??? older lady- we got her when christine was five and i dont feel like doing math#rn so its whatever but i just. dont wnana get my hopes up nshit yknow?? cuz shes super cute and theres this picture of her on her back#and shes doing the otter belly thing that ginger does and shes got her paws together and oogughgg#and of course its got some kinda shitty filter on it bUT SHES. REALLY CUTE ND IM HOPING AND THATS GONNA GETME IN TROUBLE#BUT IM. DOIN BETTER ANDN HOPE YOU GUYS'RE TAKING CARE OF YOURSELVES NSTUFFS#ALSO IM. VERY TEMPTED TO POST THTE PICTURES OF HER SO IF ANYONE WANTS TO SEE HER LEMME KNWO
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Blood Legion Tribune
I had to draw him again <3
#i always wished to make you go blind from looking at a way too bright picture! (not really)#The funny thing about this artwok is that in the original idea it was meant to be a ship art with my charr commander.#It turned out so horrible i had to alter everything but Rytlock. lol#(rytlock is actually a very first character i ship with my oc. lol guess there always has to be the first time)#you can find part of the artwork process on my twitch HiddenCarpet#2019#rytlock brimstone#gw2#charr#furry#gw2charr#gw2 rytlock#gw2rytlock#blood legion#kitty#cat#clean furry#furry art#furry fandom#clean#sfw#sfw furry#feline#big cats#guild wars 2#guild wars 2 charr#blood legion tribune#gw2 charr#gw2 blood legion#gw2rytlockbrimstone
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